A Funny Thing Happened on the Way Off the Barstool
by Merelyn25
Summary: It's the 10 year Hogwarts reunion. Percy's smashed, Oliver's intrigued and Penny proceeds to meddle. Slashiness ensues, to the delight of all. Percy/Oliver slash!! *FINAL PART UP!*
1. Deeeeeevious...

A/N: This story is a collaboration between bryna1714, glass shadow, Merelyn25, Moonblade, and wordweaver. That's right, count 'em, five names. The quality doesn't suffer from the multiple authors (or so we hope). Please Read and Review and, while you're at it, check out our Yahoo! Group, The Broom Flies for the Other Team.  
  
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Broom_flies/  
  
Disclaimer: We do not own any of the characters in this story, except for Kimberly the blond barnacle.  
  
Warning: This will be SLASH!!! Please feel free to run in terror if this squicks you.  
  
  
  
"Hey Percy, are you ready for lunch?"  
  
Penelope's bright voice suddenly filled the quiet of Percy's office. He glanced up from a roll of parchment to give her a brief smile before looking back down again. "Hold on a second," he mumbled. "I'm almost done with this report."  
  
"All right," she sighed, flopping down in the chair across from Percy's desk. It always took forever to get Percy out of his office. He invariably had 'one more report to finish' or something that would 'just take a minute' and it was often a half an hour before he could be dragged away from the multitude of neatly arranged papers that decorated his workplace.  
  
As Penny waited, she looked around the small, square room that might as well have been Percy's home for all the time he spent there. His office at the Ministry was immaculate for all the files and scrolls that filled it; not an item was out of place. The photos of various Weasleys waving cheerfully at her were arranged in right angles on the low bookshelf by wall. The lone form of life, a neatly kept though slightly misshapen cactus Ginny had given Percy for his last birthday, was in the corner by the window, as usual. Even the Hogwarts diploma Percy displayed on the wall was carefully hung in just the right place. As Penny's eyes rested on the certificate she was reminded of something that had somehow slipped her mind.  
  
"Oh, did you get your invitation?" she asked.  
  
"Pardon?" Percy said, looking up from his parchment.  
  
"Your invitation. To the reunion." Penny repeated  
  
"Reunion?" Percy asked vaguely, glancing hastily back at his scroll. *I knew she would bring this up* he thought to himself.  
  
"Come on Percy, don't play dumb, I'm sure you got the post this morning…" she prompted. Percy didn't reply. "Well, did you? Get the invitation?"  
  
"Yes," Percy returned tersely. His eyes remained buried in the scroll.  
  
"And…?"  
  
"I crumpled it up and threw it away."  
  
"Oh, Percy you have to come! It's the ten-year reunion. Wouldn't you like to see all our school chums again? Relive the good old times?" she asked brightly. Percy sent her a deeply skeptical stare from over his scroll.  
  
"Perhaps our memories of Hogwarts differ slightly, but I don't recall any 'school chums' or 'good old times' in my years there."  
  
"You're exaggerating, Percy; it wasn't that bad." Penny said. He snorted in reply. "Look, you can always come along with me and Geoffrey."  
  
"I'd rather not play third wheel to you and your husband, thank you very much."  
  
"You won't be, I promise," Penny assured him, but Percy shook his head stubbornly.  
  
"Percy, when was the last time you went to a party?"  
  
"A few weeks ago," Percy distantly supplied.  
  
"Really? Where was it?"  
  
"At Bill's," he admitted. Penny sighed in exasperation.  
  
"That was your niece's first birthday- months ago, I might add! When was the last time you went to a party where most of the guests were out of diapers?"  
  
Percy mumbled something.  
  
"What was that? I didn't catch it."  
  
"I don't remember," he muttered louder.  
  
"See? You need to get out of this cave," she gestured at Percy's office, "and go do something!"  
  
"Maybe I do, but that doesn't mean I'm going to the bloody reunion," Percy stated stubbornly. Penny sighed.  
  
"Why don't we continue this over lunch? I'm starving," she said, standing up to go. As they left Percy's office Penelope suddenly turned around to face him, a slightly triumphant smile on her face. "You know Percy, if you won't think of our dear old school chums at least think of appearances. After all," she added slyly, "what would it look like if the former Head- Boy didn't come to his own reunion?" She sailed out of his office, leaving Percy scowling after her.  
  
Damn. She knew him too well.  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
Percy stood silently next to Penny by the wall, uncomfortably shifting from foot to foot, but not in time with the music of course. Percy had never had a good ear. The great hall was decked out in the colors of the four houses and the tables were spread with a lovely color coordinated display of traditional Hogwarts food. Percy, taking in the garish hall, was thoroughly uncomfortable. Did his classmates really enjoy prancing on the cleared dance floor like a pack of hamsters high as kites?  
  
"Here Percy, hold this for me. I'm going to get Geoffrey to dance, " Penny said as she shoved a glass of pumpkin juice at the mute Weasley. *Apparently*, he thought, *they did. Even Penny seems to want to join in*. She took a second glance at his pinched, pale face and paused a moment. "Are you sure you'll be alright?"  
  
"You don't have to baby-sit me Penny, I'll be fine. Go dance with Geoffrey." Percy waved her off toward the dance floor but Penny remained rooted beside him.  
  
"My husband can wait a bit if you need me, Percy. You are one of my best friends after all. Besides, Geoffrey's fine; he's over there talking Quidditch with some chaps he just met." She pulled him toward one of the many comfy couches in the corner of the Hall. "Come let's sit. Now what's wrong Percy?"  
  
"Nothing. I'm fine."  
  
Penelope sighed. Getting Percy to open up about his problems was about as difficult as getting Percy to leave his office. "No you're not. People who are 'fine' do not look as though they're about to vomit. Really, what's bothering you?"  
  
"Its nothing. I'm alright Pen."  
  
"You can talk to me, you know, whatever it is. It might make you feel better." Penny told him gently.  
  
"Penny I really am fine. Its just…" he sighed. "I hate things like this." Percy looked away from Penelope and out towards all his former classmates.  
  
"You know, it might do you some good to get out there and talk to people."  
  
"I'm fine here." he waved her away again. "Why don't you go over to Geoffrey and dance? He's been…" Percy trailed off, his attention suddenly fixed at the entrance hall.  
  
"Percy?" Penny asked, blinking in confusion. *What's wrong with him?* Percy, who was still gazing straight ahead, made no reply to the question. "Hullo?? Percy??" she repeated, a bit louder this time.  
  
"Hmm?" he murmured idly. His eyes had unfocused.  
  
"What are you looking at-" Penny twisted around to the direction of Percy's focus. "Oh," she murmured.  
  
Oliver Wood, still as handsome as she remembered, had just entered the Great Hall. *Weren't people supposed to get a little chubbier after they left school and the required flying practice?* Penny knew she certainly had, though of course she would never admit it (8 stone 7 for now and always). Oliver, though just as well developed as he had been during Hogwarts, was showing his age in other ways. He had laugh lines crinkled about his eyes and a slight bump on his nose. Probably from some Quidditch accident, Penny assumed.  
  
Her eyes left the handsome Quidditch player and returned to meet Percy's gaze. The only problem was that he wasn't looking at her at all. He was still gaping at Oliver with no regard for anyone else; if she wasn't mistaken he was even turning a delicate shade of pink. Her gaze returned to Oliver. Percy again. As Penny's eyes flicked back and forth between Oliver and her slack-jawed friend a grin slowly spread across her face. She had suspected for years now that Percy didn't have any interest in women, but this was an entirely new development indeed. He had never shown such blatant fascination with someone before.  
  
*Huh…Oliver and Percy. Percy and Oliver…They'd be adorable together! All they need is a nudge in the right direction. Or, perhaps, in Percy's case, a forceful shove in the right direction.* Regardless, it was obvious the situation required immediate attention. Penny almost rubbed her hands together in anticipation as her face took on a determined glint: it was time to meddle.  
  
"Oh look, Percy!" she suddenly exclaimed in an extremely loud voice. "Isn't that Oliver Wood? My goodness he does look good, doesn't he?" This snapped Percy out of his reverie. He looked back at Penny, slightly dazed.  
  
"What? Oh…yeah, I guess so." Percy shook his head, clearing his mind somewhat. "What are you doing checking out men, anyway, Pen? You're married."  
  
"Oh I'm not looking for me," Penny replied pointedly.  
  
"What are you talking about?" asked Percy.  
  
"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all," came the breezy answer.  
  
"Penny..." started Percy warningly. The dangerous gleam in Penny's eye made him nervous.  
  
"Um…oh no, look! Geoffrey's been cornered by that Slytherin witch, Elmira Krutchit." Penny stood up abruptly. "Have to dash!!"  
  
Penny hurried away across the dance floor, a wicked grin on her face. She weaved through the crowds, heading resolutely toward the entrance hall. "I think its time I reintroduced myself to Oliver Wood…" 


	2. Enter the Barnacle

A/N: Ditto for Chapter One.  
  
Disclaimer: Ditto for Chapter One.  
  
Warning: Ditto for Chapter One. (Do we see a pattern?)  
  
Oliver and his date had barely entered the Great Hall when she told him she had to go to the loo.  
  
"I so just have to go fix my hair and makeup. Now you behave yourself while I'm gone, Olly-Wolly" Kimberly giggled in a high-pitched voice, tapping him playfully on the rear. She sauntered off to the bathroom, her designer dress robes trailing behind her. *Apparently chartreuse is in this season*, Oliver mused with a shudder as he watched her leave. *If only the bloody twit would leave me alone for good and stop calling me Olly-Wolly.* He winced slightly. Kimberly MacGee had started flirting with him the moment her dad had introduced them and hadn't stopped since.  
  
He wondered again why he had ever agreed to come here in the first place, especially with Kimberly, the bane of his existence. Of course he hadn't known at the time that she would overhear him talking about the reunion with one of his teammates after he had already replied that he was coming. Naturally Kimberly had wasted no time in whining to her daddy (who just so happened to own the Quidditch team Oliver played for) to make him take her along. So he'd smiled (though it did come out more like a grimace) and told Kimberly he would pick her up around 7. Needless to say, it wouldn't have been exactly prudent of Oliver to explain to old Daddy MacGee that he had no interest in dating Kimberly because a) he basically despised her and b) he didn't even like girls that way to begin with, especially not girls with the majority their intellect located in their magically enhanced breasts.  
  
There was no way out of it, though; after all, Kimberly was the apple of her father's eye and Oliver was just a lowly Keeper with no job security. So now he was doomed to spend the entirety of his school reunion and who knew how long after plagued by a blonde barnacle.  
  
Oliver looked around for someone he could talk to. Maybe he could foist Kimberly off on one of his unsuspecting former classmates. No, not even a Slytherin deserved such a fate. Well, perhaps he could lose himself in the crowd while she was using the loo. As his eyes scanned the room for a likely hideout, they were drawn to a blaze of red hair over by the bar.  
  
Percy Weasley. The former Head Boy was sitting awkwardly on a couch, a suspicious frown on his face. *I wonder what he's doing with his life, Oliver wondered absently. Probably some ministry official.* He had always had the feeling that Percy would end up buried beneath some job like that. It was too bad that-  
  
"Hello! Oliver Wood, right? I bet you don't remember me." Oliver jumped. *Where the hell did she come from?* A curly-haired woman had materialized from the shadows and was now holding out her hand in greeting. "I'm Penelope Ellis. It was Penelope Clearwater back in school, but I got married last year." Penelope smiled and flashed her wedding ring. "Actually, I was wondering if we could…um, catch up, you know. It's been, well, it's been ten years, hasn't it?" Oliver managed to nod weakly. There went his plan for anonymity.  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
"What'll you have?" the grumpy looking bartender asked Percy.  
  
"Um…uh…." Percy glanced down at the other people sipping drinks and talking. After a few minutes of sitting uncomfortably on the couch by himself Percy had wandered over to the bar; it was less obvious that you were alone here, plus he figured a drink might relax him. Normally he never drank, especially not any of the hard stuff the other partygoers were asking for. Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of a well-dressed young man sipping something green that looked pretty harmless.  
  
"I'll have what he's having," Percy told the bartender, nervously.  
  
"A grasshopper?" The bartender raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"  
  
"No…I mean yes! Yes. I'd like a grasshopper."  
  
"Okay then." While the bartender fixed the drink, Percy turned on his stool and cast a nervous eye around the room. Why did he always feel so conspicuous at public gatherings?  
  
"Here you are." The bartender handed him a glass.  
  
Percy glanced down at the drink in his hand and took a tentative sip. Not bad. Percy heard a chorus of high-pitched giggles from across the room and shuddered. He hated social events.  
  
Taking a huge gulp of his drink, Percy tried to lean casually against the bar and scanned the somewhat familiar faces that had begun to fill the room. Where had Oliver gone, he wondered absently.  
  
"You want another?" the expressionless voice behind him made Percy jump. The bartender held out a bottle with a questioning eyebrow raised.  
  
"Uh…sure." The bartender filled the glass again, and Percy drank it down in a few gulps. He was starting to feel rather warm and not quite so awkward. He smiled to himself. Maybe this whole thing wouldn't be such a nightmare.  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
"So how have you been Penny?" Oliver asked politely.  
  
"Oh I'm good. I'm doing consulting and appraisals for Gringotts, specializing in ancient relics and artifacts."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
There was an awkward silence. Oliver tried to remember anything about Penny that might jump-start the conversation. Finally he managed, "Are you and Percy still in touch? Obviously, you're not still dating…"  
  
"Oh, good heavens, no. We broke up a bit after graduation. I wasn't exactly his type." She smiled a bit at this.  
  
"That's a shame. You two were very cute together." Oliver shifted nervously, wondering why Penelope was talking to him of all people. They had scarcely known each other in school.  
  
"Yeah I was kind of upset at first but a person can't really change that sort of thing, if you know what I mean." Penny raised her eyebrows significantly.  
  
"Ah." What on earth was she talking about?  
  
"Yeah, he can't help being gay anymore than I can help being straight."  
  
That caught Oliver's attention, which caught Penny's attention. So he was…  
  
"Percy…flies for the other team?" Oliver asked, a speculative gleam in his eye. "I never would've guessed."  
  
Penny smiled. Percy wouldn't have either.  
  
"Yeah, well neither did I, obviously. We're still good friends, though, and I met Geoffrey, so it all worked out in the end."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"Actually, Percy's right there by the…bar," Penny supplied with a smile. "Why don't you go over say hello?" she prodded.  
  
"Sure." Penny grinned gleefully at this. *It would after all be somewhere to hide*, Oliver thought speculatively. *And Percy's looking awfully good in those dress robes of his.* "It would be interesting to see-"  
  
"Oh, Olly-Wolly! I'm back! Did you miss me?" Damnit. For a moment he'd almost thought he would be able to have some fun at this party. "Who's this?" Kimberly asked disdainfully, looking Penny over. Penny looked rather disgruntled by the blonde's arrival.  
  
"Kimberly," Oliver repressed a shudder, "this is Penelope Ellis. Penelope, this is Kimberly MacGee." Oliver introduced them with a sigh.  
  
"Hello," Kimberly said coldly.  
  
"Hi." Penny smiled weakly. There was a protracted silence.  
  
"Uh…you know, Penelope, Kimberly is the daughter of Bronson MacGee, the owner of Puddlemere United." Oliver said heavily, while Kimberly preened.  
  
"Really? Don't you play for that- oh I see." Penny smiled knowingly. A new hitch in her plans, but that was easily remedied.  
  
"Yes." Oliver sent her a pitiful look.  
  
"Oliver!" Kimberly suddenly squeaked, "I want to dance. Come on!"  
  
"How about a little later?" Oliver replied with an internal groan.  
  
"No, let's go now!" she demanded. Oliver looked desperately at Penny and mouthed 'Save me'. She may not have been one of his friends, but they were in Hogwarts together and she had always seemed a nice sort. She couldn't be so cruel as to abandon him to Kimberly, could she?  
  
"Oh, but you can't!" Penny burst in. "I have to, uh, go to loo, and you have to come with me. You know, it's a girl thing- we go to the bathroom together, right?"  
  
"But I just came from the bathroom."  
  
"Umm…but you can't possibly go, umm dance with your...mascara like that! It's clumpy, very clumpy, " Penny replied a little desperately, if she couldn't get this twat away then all her plans would be for naught.  
  
"Oh no!" gasped Kimberly, and hurried off, dragging a thankful Penelope behind her. 


	3. I'll Have Another

Disclaimer: We do not own in any way, shape or form Percy, Oliver, or Penelope. However we have kidnapped the three of them and put them to work reenacting our own sick twisted fantasies. *long, drawn-out evil cackle* (this long, drawn-out evil cackle is provided by glass shadow, who has talent with such things)  
  
Warning. Its slash…the slashster…slasharoonie…sa-laaashhhhh. Get it? Got it? Good.  
  
A/N: Thanks go out to all our lovely reviewers: mellony melody, Lulu-Chan, Cariad, Demeter, Lady Malfoy II and especially mira, who's helpful suggestion led us to re-edit the first two bits and hopefully improve the story. Thanks guys!!! (  
  
Percy was feeling marvelous. After his third grasshopper all his worries about his former classmates seemed to melt away to be replaced by a lovely warm and fuzzy feeling. He smiled as he surveyed the mass of people in the Great Hall.  
  
Percy's grin faltered though, when he saw Penny chatting with Oliver Wood on the other side of the room. He was too tipsy at this point to wonder why his friend was talking to Oliver, but he was not so far gone that he didn't register the beautiful blonde that had draped herself across Oliver's arm. Percy's blissful state was inexplicably dampened; he suddenly felt a bit depressed. It was almost as if he cared that Oliver was dating some gorgeous blonde bimbo.  
  
"This won't do," he muttered to himself. Granted, Percy's mind was a bit cloudy, but he knew that at all costs he must preserve the warm fuzzy feeling. "I need another drink, that's all," he thought firmly. He turned back to the bartender and held out a trembling hand.  
  
"I'll have another."  
  
"Don't you think you've had enough?" the barkeep asked in a dull sarcastic tone.  
  
Percy growled belligerently. "I'll tell you when I've had enough!" he demanded, leaning forward to glare at the bartender, swaying a bit. "Ooh, you know, I've always wanted to say that." He smiled to himself.  
  
The bartender gave a long-suffering sigh and poured Percy another grasshopper. Percy drank it down but it didn't make him feel any warmer or fuzzier; in fact he felt a little more depressed. He sighed and leaned his elbow against the bar. Bloody reunion. Bloody blonde. Bloody grasshoppers. Why weren't they working?  
  
"Hello," said a rich deep voice suddenly beside him. Percy turned around to look at it source. Ooh. The warm fuzzy feeling was back with a vengeance.  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
Penny leaned against the bathroom wall, a fixed look of interest plastered on her face. The things she did for Percy. She had been listening to Kimberly babble on about the new look in dress robed this season for fifteen minutes. Her hands itched to cover Kimberly's mouth and stop the inane drivel pouring from it, but instead she began shredding a nearby paper towel, her polite smile making her cheeks hurt.  
  
Kimberly had lost her frosty edge the moment her sharp eyes had spotted Penny's wedding ring and had begun nattering on as if they were bosom friends.  
  
"Did you see that brunette in those lime green robes? That is so last year!" Apparently Kimberly's puke green robes didn't count. "And her hair! Everyone knows that it's being worn long this year!" Penny looked at her own shoulder length hair and snorted.  
  
Resisting the urge to jump out the bathroom window, Penny whispered a silencing charm, blocking out the blonde's relentless chatter. Relishing the crystal silence, she nodded occasionally whenever Kimberly stopped to breathe.  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
Oliver gazed at Percy, bemused. In all their seven years at Hogwarts, he had never once seen Percy lose control, much less unclench enough to get smashed off his arse. And Percy was definitely smashed. He was now swaying gently on his barstool, swinging his feet like a five year old. There was a disturbingly broad grin on his face, much to Oliver's surprise. *Percy Weasley? Actually smiling?* he thought in astonishment.  
  
*He looks nice when he smiles*, Oliver realized. Adorable, even, a word he never would've considered applying to the Percy Weasley he remembered from school. This Percy was softer somehow; he looked more careworn and relaxed (although this was probably an effect of the alcohol rather than any drastic personality change). Percy's robes were endearingly ruffled, his hair mussed, and his glasses (still the same pair he had worn at school) had slipped down his nose to reveal his unnaturally bright blue eyes.  
  
"Hi Oliver!!" Percy waved at him happily.  
  
"Are you ok, Percy?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. In fact, I'm warm and fuzzy," Percy chuckled.  
  
"You are?" Oliver couldn't help smiling at this.  
  
"Yep." Percy grin had reached sickening proportions.  
  
"Say, Percy, exactly how many of these have you had?" asked Oliver, gesturing at the empty glasses arranged in a neat line on the bar. Even drunk, Percy was still organized.  
  
Percy squinted at the line of glasses, which had somehow doubled when he wasn't looking. "Oooh...enough."  
  
"I can see that," Oliver replied dryly.  
  
"You can?" Giggling, Percy pushed off the bar and began spinning around and around in his chair. When he slowed to a stop, Oliver noticed the green pallor Percy's face had assumed.  
  
"That was not a good idea," Percy muttered weakly. He no longer felt warm and fuzzy, but rather ill.  
  
"Percy," Oliver said, putting a hand on Percy's arm, "You look like you could use some air."  
  
"I think you're right," he groaned, trying to make the room stop spinning. Percy stood up on wobbly legs, watching the Great Hall kaleidoscope. He took one hesitant step forward and promptly hit the floor. "Ow."  
  
"Are you alright?" Oliver said, picking Percy off the floor by his elbows. They were now face-to-face, Oliver's hands propping Percy up by his forearms.  
  
Percy stared into Oliver's deep brown eyes. He felt suddenly dizzy, but passed it off as an effect of the grasshoppers. A brief flickering of warmth in the pit of his stomach was suddenly squelched by a flood of embarrassment. *I can't believe I fell down flat on my face in front of Oliver Wood*, he moaned to himself. Percy didn't want figure out why this was so important, but the part of his mind not completely intoxicated urged him to flee before he made even more of a jackass out of himself.  
  
"I…I... have to go," he stammered, drawing away from Oliver's arms. Focusing all of his wavering attention on the doors to the terrace (a special addition to the castle that was taken out every year for reunions and such), Percy haltingly rushed forward.  
  
Oliver watched Percy leave, swaying through the party guests. He shook his head slightly. *What just happened?* 


	4. Oops...

Disclaimer: Yes they are mine. All mine. *evil cackle*. I admit it. I am actually J.K. Rowling in the disguise of five broke teenage girls writing fanfiction of my own books while I stall on the fifth one. Its part of my hideously complicated plan to rule the ENTIRE WORLD!…or at least Anartica. (what? I have a fondness for frozen wastelands.) *snorts, then falls off chair *  
  
Warning: Still slash, or will be soon.  
  
A/N: Thanks to the reviewers Elektra, Elf Asato, and GayRon, and monkeys and bananas. Reviews=happiness, so yay. :)  
  
  
  
Percy collapsed onto a convenient bench, seizing great gulps of air. This cleared his mind enough for him to reflect on (i.e. replay over and over again) what had happened by the bar. He was assaulted by a wave of carefully ordered questions. First of all, why had Oliver started talking to him in the first place? Secondly, just how many grasshoppers had he had, anyway? Thirdly, what on earth had possessed him to go twirling around on his barstool? Fourth of all, why oh why had his feet decided to fold under him the moment he was about to go outside alone with Oliver Wood? Fifth of all, why did he want to go outside alone with Oliver Wood? Percy shook his head in bewilderment, then froze as a sixth and final question popped up. What in Merlin's name was Oliver doing walking towards him right now??  
  
Percy sighed, covering his face with his hands. *I am never coming to another reunion again* he thought sourly.  
  
"So, had one too many drinks did you?" Oliver asked, sitting down next to him. Percy glanced at Oliver through his hands and felt his flame cheeks again.  
  
"No." This, however, was scarcely convincing as it came out more like "Nyeh".  
  
"Oh, really," Oliver scoffed.  
  
"Yes really!" Percy straightened, resembling a peacock (albeit a drunk one) that had just had his feathers ruffled. Standing with shaky dignity he steeled himself to walk back to the party, but was stopped by Oliver's hands on his shoulders.  
  
"Why don't you sit down, Percy?" Oliver said. His shoulders tingling faintly from Oliver's touch, Percy sank back onto the bench. He was strangely disappointed when the brunette released them and sat next to him. Percy looked at Oliver with questioning unguarded eyes. Suddenly embarrassed, Oliver rubbed his hands together unconsciously. They looked at each other intently for a time, letting the silence stretch between them. Percy finally dropped his gaze down to the stone bench, blushing faintly.  
  
"Why are you talking to me?" he asked softly.  
  
A little taken aback, Oliver replied after a moment. "Is there anything wrong with catching up with an old friend?"  
  
"But we weren't exactly friends."  
  
"I know."  
  
Percy said nothing, but returned his unwavering gaze to Oliver, who shifted uncomfortably under Percy's scrutiny. Searching for some topic of conversation to fill the returning void, Oliver seized upon Percy's job.  
  
"You're…uhh, with the Ministry, aren't you?"  
  
"Yes," Percy replied tersely. A perverse part of him enjoyed making Oliver squirm. *Mentally or physically?* a teasing thought asked him. Percy viciously strangled it. He must be drunker than he thought.  
  
"So…what department do you work in?"  
  
"International Magical Cooperation," came another short reply. This was going well. Oliver began to see just why he and Percy had never become friends. Frustrated, but determined to continue the halting conversation, Oliver franticly racked his mind for something to talk to Percy about.  
  
"So…" he finally said, "Penny tells me you've come out."  
  
It took a few moments for Percy's alcohol-soaked mind to absorb what he had just said. "WHAT?" Percy suddenly yelped, his eyes bugging out comically. "I'm…not, I mean…no, I mean WHAT?!?"  
  
*Damn*, Oliver thought. *Obviously not the right thing to say*. Why the hell had Penny told him that? "Uh…never mind," he chuckled weakly. "I must have heard wrong. She probably meant you were coming out with a…new report on…the standards for…um…wand thickness?" he finished hopefully.  
  
Percy, however, was not convinced. He slid over to the edge of the bench, staring at Quidditch player as though Oliver had suggested that Percy take up circus acrobatics in his spare time.  
  
"I'm sorry," Oliver reached a hand out to touch Percy's shoulder. Percy tensed and leapt from the bench.  
  
"Is that why you were talking to me?" Percy shouted. "Because you're…" Percy couldn't seem the finish the sentence, but blustered on. "You were going to hit on me?!" he asked in horrified tones, thought perhaps not quite as horrified as he would like. He didn't know whether to be flattered or disgusted.  
  
"That wasn't it!" Oliver protested, jumping up.  
  
"It was just because you thought I was…" again Percy stopped. In the back of his mind he wondered why he was so upset by this development. Then he wondered why he was wondering why he was so upset. Then he wondered why he was still standing there and hurried away, heading back inside.  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
"…and I told him that if he didn't take me I would leave him, and that my father could see that he never worked in Quidditch ever again! But then I met Oliver. You know I bet the poor dear's in love with me, don't you think so Penelope?"  
  
Penelope noticed the blonde's expectant stare and released the silencing charm. "Of course," she said with a bright smile, wondering just what the girl had asked.  
  
Kimberly beamed at this. "Well I'm all done here. Let's go find Olly- Wolly!"  
  
Penelope grabbed Kimberly's wrist, in an attempt to restrain her. "But are you sure your mascara's okay?"  
  
"Yes," she said, jerking her arm away, "I look perfect."  
  
"But, what about, um…" Penelope sighed in defeat, "Never mind, let's go."  
  
After one last glance in the mirror Kimberly sashayed out of the bathroom and screamed.  
  
"Oliver! What's going on?!?" 


	5. The First Rule of Fight Club is...

Disclaimer: Sooo there was this one time at band camp… wait, the disclaimer ( I knew I forgot something)!We own none of the characters from Harry Potter or the original concept from the books by one of our many demi- goddesses J.K. Rowling, but we do own the plotline of our story (so don't steal it!) and Kimberly the B.B. girl (PLEASE steal her we're trying to lose her but she just won't leave!). Just as a warning if you are going to sue us the invisible hosen( will come to your house and hold you down as the invisible golf club of doom( beats you so that we may make our getaway (as none of us has any money to speak of).  
  
Warning: Soon it will be slash…oh yes…it will be slash! Bwahahaha!  
  
A/N: This story is still a collaboration between five freaks, I'm sorry but we don't magically multiply in our off time (for anyone who was wondering… that would make no one). Thanks to Kazza who is a happy wonderful person and gave us four, count 'em four reviews all by her lonesome. Also thanks to jaayx (it is longer than the last bit) and to Demostenez- don't worry Kimberly will get her reward…her eternal REWARD!! BWAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sorry… Jafar moment there). Again, come join our HP slash yahoo group at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Broom_flies. And now, back to the story:  
  
  
  
Percy stood at the doors to the Great Hall watching his classmates. His insides felt bruised and his head ached with confusion. *Was Oliver really…? Why had Penny told him that he was…? Why had Oliver…? What about that blonde …?* Again his mind swirled with questions, all unfinished. Not ready to face anyone, especially Penelope, Percy snuck along the back wall, stealthily (or at least as stealthily as possible for a person full of liquor) heading toward the loo.  
  
Percy had almost reached his destination, creeping down a corridor, when he ran into a brick wall. Or rather, a human being that strongly resembled a brick wall (with the intellect to match). Percy found himself blinking into a large scruffy chin. He pulled back to look at the face connected with it and winced. Crap. Such an ugly, brutish face could only belong to one person: Marcus Flint.  
  
"Watch where you're going, Weasley!" Flint grunted, shoving Percy roughly backward.  
  
Normally Percy would have apologized and kept going, but Percy's self control had crumbled somewhere back near his third grasshopper. His temper suddenly flared. He was so confused, hurt, and angry that instead of walking away he planted his feet and growled back at Marcus. "Fucking watch where you're going, Neanderthal."  
  
Marcus was momentarily startled by Percy's retort, but he soon grinned malevolently down at him. "Did you say something Weasley?" he sneered.  
  
"Oh, how perceptive of you. Did we figure this out all on our own Flint?" Percy realized the dialogue was cheap, but he didn't care. Flint was gaping at him in a manner that made his already troll-like features even more unattractive.  
  
"What did you say?" Flint sputtered.  
  
"I said is your arrested perception the result of a berserk pituitary gland or do you work at it?" Percy retorted. Flint blinked apishly. Percy announced, rather loudly, "Ladies and gentleman Mr. Flint's train of thought is boarding at the station."  
  
"You always were a pompous little nancer weren't you Weasley?" The former Slytherin growled at length.  
  
"Do you think your primeval antics scare me?" snapped Percy.  
  
"Shut-up!"  
  
"Your command of verbiage is as always, astounding, Flint," Percy drawled. He couldn't believe he was actually telling Marcus Flint off. Percy felt thrilled and terrified and drunk all at once. He continued, "I'm surprised you ever managed to stand upright, let alone get through Hogwarts, you knuckle-dragging oaf!"  
  
Marcus shoved Percy before the red head could say anything else, sending Percy sprawling. Percy struggled to his feet, glaring. Who the hell did Marcus think he was? Percy had put up with his low-minded, neo-lithic posturing for years during school without doing anything about it. *Well, not today!* Percy felt a wave of pure rage boil inside him. He clenched his trembling hands. Percy's fingers itched to pound that sneer off of Flint' ugly primordial face. Breathing heavily, he raised his fist, took aim, and let fly.  
  
Percy's aim had never been that good, and was certainly no better for the mass quantities of grasshopper running through his system, so perhaps it was no surprise that Percy's fist connected only with the empty air. Overbalanced, he swayed, and felt his cheeks flame in humiliation. Marcus let out a slow, cold chuckle.  
  
"That's rich Weasley. You finally take a swing at me after all these years and you miss!" he leered. Percy snapped his flushed face up to meet Flint's eyes. "Ooh, Weasley you look angry! You gonna punch me instead of using your big words? Be careful or you might actually hit me this time!" Marcus advanced on Percy, who was practically hyperventilating with fury at this point. "Here, is this close enough? You think you can hit me now?" Flint shoved his bestial face toward Percy's red one. "Oh, I forgot, you're a pansy-arsed-wanker who'd rather nance down the pike with his boyfrie- UGH!"  
  
Percy's knee hit Marcus square in the groin. The former Slytherin hunched over, eyes bulging. Sure, it was a dirty shot, but Percy didn't care. He was tired of taking crap like that.  
  
"Weasley, you fucking little shite!" Marcus wheezed from the floor. Percy merely smirked and continued walking to the bathroom, whistling jauntily.  
  
*That bastard finally got what was coming to him*, he thought smugly. Percy was so wrapped up in his triumph that he failed to notice that Marcus (who had experience in recovering from such injuries) was by no means as incapacitated as he believed.  
  
Flint jerked upward and barreled down the hallway with a great bellow. Percy froze in abject horror at the sound, but it was too late- Marcus tackled him from behind with all the force of a rampaging water buffalo. Percy fell to the (thankfully carpeted) floor with a tremendous crash. He was momentarily stunned. Wrenching him around, Marcus began raining down on Percy's face. The wiry redhead fought back with all the strength he could muster, but was soon overpowered by Flint's brute force.  
  
*I'm going to black out*, Percy thought as vision began became clouded with blood. He was only vaguely aware of his head being knocked against the floor, but was conscious enough to notice when the blows suddenly stopped.  
  
"You hit like a girl, Flint," leered a familiar voice. Oliver Wood jerked Marcus from Percy and hammered him into a wall. Flint crumpled apishly to the ground, then dragged himself into a sitting position, sneering.  
  
"Boyfriend can't defend himself?" he spat.  
  
Oliver rounded on Marcus, glaring at him with a look of deep disgust. The former Gryffindor towered over him and, with a sudden jerk, grabbed Flint's collar and wrenched him up. Wood dragged him closer until they were face to face. "Get out of my sight, you sorry excuse for a human being," he whispered menacingly, then shoved Marcus away. With a grunt Marcus staggered backward and lumbered down the hallway.  
  
"Perce?" Oliver asked gently, bending over Percy's battered form. There was no reply. Percy was out. Oliver shook his head bemusedly, and then grimaced as a high-pitched shriek suddenly filled the hallway. *Oh God, not again* he thought with a wince.  
  
"Oliver! What's going on?!?"  
  
Kimberly dashed from the bathroom, followed by a distracted Penny. Both women gaped at Percy. Kimberly, for her part, launched into a hysterical fit. She began shrieking about violence and blood and her 'poor Olly- Wolly'. Penny, however, looked horrified.  
  
"Oh, God, what happened to him?" she cried.  
  
"Marcus Flint." Penny nodded worriedly.  
  
Oliver turned back to Percy, lighting tapping the redhead's cheeks. "Come on, Perce. Wake up." After a few moments Percy stirred and opened his eyes, looking up at Oliver through his cracked glasses. "Oliver?" he asked dazedly. "Hello."  
  
"Hey, Perce."  
  
"Who's the blonde?" Percy's bleary tone was vaguely accusing.  
  
Oliver eyebrows jumped slightly. Smiling, he leaned closer to Percy. "No one. No one at all," he said softly.  
  
Percy grinned loopily in satisfaction. "Good." At this, his head rolled back and he slipped into unconsciousness.  
  
"Is he alright?" Penelope anxiously asked. She knelt down beside Percy and began to fuss over his catatonic form.  
  
Kimberly, meanwhile, was still wringing her hands and screeching about ruffians prowling the school grounds.  
  
"Penny…" Oliver said warningly, inclining his head toward the ladies room.  
  
"Oh, right! Take care of Percy for me." Penny replied, shuddering at the thought of another round with Kimberly but ready to do her duty. "Oh my God, Kimberly, its horrible!" Penny said in tragic tones. She walked over to the frantic blonde, affecting a look of absolute horror. "Your blush! Its...flaking!! Bathroom. Now."  
  
Kimberly was shunted off once more to the bathroom, leaving Oliver and Percy alone in the corridor.  
  
(And then EVERYONE DIED!!- This cheerful non sequitur is courtesy of our friend Petra, who hates fanfic, hates us, and hates all of you, even though she hasn't met you. Ahh friendship.) 


	6. In the White Room (With Red Curtains)

Disclaimer:  
  
J.K Rowling,  
  
We have kidnapped your characters. If you ever want to see them again put $1,000,000 in cash into a nondescript briefcase and drop it off behind the Starbucks stand near Terminal 21C of O'Hare International Airport at precisely 12:34 AM tomorrow. Come alone.. If you do not comply we will hunt you down, find you, and say "Nee!"- that's right, "Nee!". We mean business. *evil cackle*  
  
-The Five Psychopaths who are writing this story  
  
Warning: It's actually getting slashy in this chapter. SLASH! Yay!  
  
A/N: Thanks to Kazza, Lady Malfoy II, Eternity, LoPotter and Elf Asato for the reviews!  
  
Oliver bent down and slung the down and out Weasley over his shoulder. He trudged down the corridor to the great hall trying to find a place to set Percy down, opening one door after another. After finding two supply closets, a room with a strange mirror, a dark foreboding hallway, and also managing to get completely lost in castle that he thought he still knew like the back of his hand, Oliver finally came across what appeared to be a bedroom.  
  
The walls were a pristine white, but the bed had maroon and gold sheets. Only mildly surprised at his good fortune (after all, this was Hogwarts, even if the castle did so enjoy confusing the guests it always came through in the end), Oliver struggled across the room and gently propped Percy up against the headboard of the bed. Percy groaned slightly as Oliver checked one of the many bruises on his cheekbone. Sitting down next to barely conscious redhead Oliver softly rubbed his thumb back and forth across the darkening mark.  
  
"Serves you right you old prat," he whispered fondly, slipping Percy's mangled spectacles off of him. "Flint is twice your size. What possessed you?" He brushed a lock of flaming hair off Weasley's forehead, revealing more of Percy's beaten face. Percy groaned and stirred. Oliver shifted over.  
  
"Steady, Perce, time to wake up."  
  
Percy blinked open a pair of bloodshot blue eyes. "What? Wha' ha'ened?" he slurred.  
  
"You, my man, just took on Marcus Flint."  
  
The thought of standing up to the former Slytherin was enough to unfog Percy's brain (at least a little). His eyes widened in shock. "Oh God, I did, didn't I? What the hell was I thinking?" he moaned.  
  
"You were very drunk." Oliver offered kindly.  
  
"No, really Oliver?" Percy shot back acidly. He ran his fingers over his temples, trying to clear his mind. Percy abruptly recalled that he was supposed to be mad at Oliver, but it didn't seem nearly as important this side of the beating. Percy looked up hesitantly to meet Oliver's eyes.  
  
"Look, Oliver, about what happened, you know, back there…I, well I shouldn't have reacted like that…It's just, oh I don't know…" he ended lamely.  
  
"It's okay. You were kind of right, though. Penny told me you were gay and well, I was interested." Percy ignored the sudden leap of his pulse. "I'll admit," Oliver continued, "the main reason I went over to the bar was to chat you up. Probably would've too, if you hadn't gone spinning around on your barstool," Oliver added with a smile. "Does that bother you?"  
  
"Not exactly, it's just…I'm, uh.." Percy looked away, a panicked smile frozen on his face. It did bother him. A lot. And even though he didn't know quite why, he knew he had to leave. "I should go," he blurted. "I mean thanks for everything, but I'm feeling a lot better and…" Percy dragged himself a bit more upright and swung his legs over the bed. He took one tentative step forward.  
  
Percy's legs weren't ready to take his weight; he slipped and foundered and ended up sprawled across Oliver, who was still seated on the bed. "Sorry," Percy muttered. He didn't know if he was more embarrassed by his proximity to the Quidditch player or from slipping in front of him again.  
  
"Quite alright," chuckled Wood, helping him into a sitting position. Percy was uncomfortably aware of how that laugh rumbled in Oliver's well-muscled chest. He tried not to think about how nice Oliver's hands felt on his back; he desperately wanted to ignore how tightly he was pressed to the burly Keeper and how warm he was getting in his present position.  
  
"Perce?" Percy jerked slightly as Oliver's deep voice cut through his thoughts. It sounded thicker than usual. *Wait a minute- what am I doing? I'm not actually…?* Percy's confused thoughts began to trip over themselves again. He was about to pull away when he looked up- straight into Oliver's warm brown eyes. Percy was so riveted by the expression of want deep in the chocolate pools that he didn't notice Oliver moving closer to him until the Quiddtich player's mouth pressed onto his.  
  
Percy froze in shock. He was being kissed. By Oliver Wood. He knew he should push Oliver away, but the sensation of Oliver's mouth on his own wasn't disgusting, it was wonderful. *Maybe snogging handsome Quidditch players is a little known side effect of drinking* he reasoned. Chocking it up to the grasshoppers, Percy allowed himself to gently caress Oliver's lips. They tasted of wine and something else that eluded his senses. Percy thrust his tongue into Oliver's mouth trying to catch it.  
  
The nature of the kiss slowly changed. Tentative exploration became hard passion. Their tongues began to dance in and out of both their mouths. Oliver's hands tightened on the small of Percy's back pulling the redhead toward him. Percy groaned raggedly as Oliver's hands buried themselves in his hair, holding his head in place so the Quidditch player could have his way with Percy's mouth.  
  
They were so caught up with each other that they scarcely noticed the slamming door and muffled noises just outside the room.  
  
When they finally did break apart, Percy pressed his forehead to Oliver's, breathing hard.  
  
"Damnit Perce," groaned Oliver. "Where did you learn to kiss like that?"  
  
"Here and there," he smiled weakly. Percy was feeling warm and fuzzy again and hadn't yet comprehended what just happened. *My lips are tingling*, he thought hazily.  
  
Soon enough, though, comprehension came. Gazing at Oliver's contented face, all the demands that he had brushed aside returned in full force. He blinked in bewilderment. What was he doing kissing a guy? This wasn't something Percy could ride off as an effect of the alcohol. It was something else, something he didn't fully understand. He struggled to grasp it, but couldn't somehow.  
  
Percy's brain, which had sustained quite a beating recently, began to swirl with confusion. *I can't deal with this. Not right now. I…* As his mind flickered like a dying light bulb, Percy shook his head slowly back and forth, eyes widening. He muttered drowsily, "Never going to a reunion again," then abruptly slumped onto Oliver's chest, out cold again.  
  
Oliver didn't know whether to be amused or insulted by Percy's last remark. As he lay trapped under Percy's somnolent form Oliver had the insane desire to laugh. The boy definitely had a lot of issues to work out.  
  
After a few moments of being caught under Percy lean weight Oliver shifted. However nice Percy's body heat felt Oliver realized that if he didn't move soon the circulation in his lower body would be completely cut off. With a grunt he rolled Percy off of him.  
  
Carefully moving Percy, Oliver smiled down at him. He took off the former Head Boy's tattered dress robes and left Percy to sleep in the clothes he was wearing under them. When Percy had been arranged to his satisfaction Oliver straightened and turned to the door. He was about to go when a fiendish idea came to him. What if he didn't leave? After all, something might very well happen to Percy during the night. He could be set upon by a rampaging herd of wild house elves or…something like that. You never knew, ever since that Granger girl had stirred them up one would go renegade every now and then.  
  
Yes, Oliver decided, he would stay here. Oliver yanked his dress robes off to reveal a black t-shirt and jeans. He slid into bed beside the sleeping Weasley, getting as close as he could without disturbing Percy. The redhead, perhaps mistaking Oliver for his teddy bear, rolled over a little and snuggled against the Quidditch player.  
  
*Yes*, Oliver thought contentedly, *this was definitely a good idea*. Besides, he figured, Percy would appreciate seeing a familiar face when he woke up. 


	7. An End

Disclaimer: J.K. owns them. We don't. 

Warning: Slashy. Very slashy, in fact. So if you don't like the slashyness, don't read this. Go read something un-slashy. Yeah. 

A/N: Thanks to Brat Prince and Val Mora for reviewing! Here's the final installment. J

Several blush reapplications later, Kimberly and Penny emerged from the bathroom.  Kimberly was frantic to find Oliver, although, noted Penny wryly, not enough to prevent her from making absolutely sure her appearance was pristine first. 

"Hmm…" the blonde murmured with a frown, as they walked backed to the Great Hall. "I wonder where he is- I can't believe he didn't wait for me."  

"Perhaps he's sitting broken in a dark corner, wilting in the absence of your sparkling presence," Penny muttered sarcastically. 

"Oh, no! You're right- I have been away from him for too long! He must be absolutely crushed. We've got to go find him!" Kimberly shrieked. She grabbed Penny's arm and began dragging her madly back to the Great Hall.

"Oh, my poor Olly-Wolly," the blonde sighed dramatically, "I do hope he's all right. He gets terribly lonely whenever we're apart, you know." Penny followed her, rolling her eyes. 

Kimberly was so fixated on getting back to the hall that she failed to notice the open doorway on the right (the castle decided to do a little meddling of its own had once again rearranged the rooms). Penny did, however, and what she saw there stopped her cold. 

"Yes!" she whispered gleefully from the doorway, as she looked into the room. Oliver didn't seem lonely at all. Far from it, in fact. "Way to go, Percy!"

"Penny..." Kimberly whined stomping back to her. "What are you looking at?"

"Nothing!" Penny yelped, quickly shutting the door and turning around.

"Come on, I want to see!" 

"You can't! It's a just dirty- _very** dirty- broom closet."  Penny hastily stepped in front of Kimberly and tried to herd her back towards the Great Hall. **_

Kimberly, however, was not to be deterred. She maneuvered around Penny with surprising agility and dashed to the room. Panicked, Penny slammed her foot down on the hem of Kimberly's green dress robes. 

A sickening ripping sound filled the corridor, followed by the blonde's startled gasp. Kimberly halted, completely stupefied. She turned to face Penny, in the process tearing off the back of her robes. Her beautiful face contorted in rage, Kimberly opened her mouth.

Penelope, anticipating another hysterical outburst, hurriedly lunged at Kimberly. She clamped her hand over the blonde's mouth and, after a great deal of muffled shouts and kicking, Penny managed to wrestle her, once again, to the ladies room.

_*God, how I hate this bathroom.* _

*~*~*~*

Percy really didn't want to open his eyes. Bits of light were dancing on the inside of his eyelids, making the whole world spin, even though he couldn't see anything. Then there was the slight matter of his head. It felt as though a small rodent with very sharp claws inhabited it. Vaguely Percy wished that he didn't have to open his eyes but he couldn't very well lie here forever. If he was sick, he would have to call the Ministry and tell them he wasn't coming in today. Or was it the weekend? He couldn't quite remember.

Percy opened one eye and immediately wished he hadn't. The screaming white walls were reflecting sunlight directly into his one vulnerable eye with more force than the rodent was scrabbling in his head. Percy groaned. What had possessed him to paint his room white? It was such an aggressive color. 

_Wait a minute, he thought, __my room isn't white! It was a sort of bland beige color- much easier on the eyes. Percy sat up abruptly, both eyes open. Then he groaned again and fell back onto the pillow, pulling the blankets over his eyes as a multitude of aches and pains crashed down upon him. He felt as though he had been pounded all over with hammers. He gingerly touched his jaw, wincing when he felt a bruise he didn't remember getting. _

Just then Percy heard the sound of someone turning over beside him. He very carefully opened his eyes again and sat up looking next to him. _What the…?_

Percy blinked. Percy blinked again. How odd…Oliver Wood seemed to be lying in the bed beside him and not wearing very much at all. Percy blinked several times in quick succession, but Oliver didn't go away. 

_I know! thought Percy, triumphantly, lying back down, __I'm dreaming. That explains it all. Now all I have to do is fall asleep so I can wake up. _

Careful not to disturb the sleeping man beside him (Percy was always polite, even in dreams), he lay back down and shut his eyes, smiling faintly. And if he snuggled closer to Oliver- hey, it was a dream, he could do what he liked. 

Unfortunately his mind chose that precise moment to remind him of the previous night's events. Percy's eyes snapped open in horror. He recalled a lot of grasshoppers, picking a fight with Marcus Flint, and a very nice long kiss….

Oh God.

"Arrh!" Percy groaned loudly this time and sat up, covering his face with his hands. 

That woke up Oliver.

The brown-eyed boy smiled sleepily and yawned.

"Morning, Perce, How are you feeling?"

The only answer he received was a garbled moan.

Oliver laughed softly. He had been expecting this. "Do you remember anything about last night?" he asked gently.

"Grasshoppers, Flint, kiss…." The last word came out as a whisper. Percy was still covering his face with his hands; he was rather liking the "If I can't see you, you can't see me" logic at the moment.

"That's about all there was, so don't worry," Oliver replied. "You kind of passed out afterwards."

Percy decided it would be okay to peek through his fingers. Oliver saw him and grinned. He rolled over and gently drew Percy's hands away from his terrified face. 

Percy suddenly felt very warm and even more uncomfortable; Oliver's body was pressed to his own. The Quidditch player brushed a strand of red hair off Percy's forehead, mimicking his action the night before. Percy swallowed heavily but didn't flinch. Oliver ran his hand slowly down Percy's face, causing the redhead's breathing to quicken imperceptibly. As Oliver leaned closer in, Percy froze.

"I'm not…I'm not like that," he blurted.

"You're not?" Oliver said, his eyes brimming with suppressed laughter. It was rather obvious that Percy was indeed 'like that'.

"No...I mean I'm not gay." Percy said without much force.

"Oh, please Percy," Oliver groaned. "You're about as straight as the yellow brick road."

"I am NOT!" Percy cried. 

_Really? Oliver thought sceptically. __Then I'll just have to prove it to you.  Percy was in the process off tearing the comforter off when Oliver's hand stayed him._

"So you aren't gay?" he asked.

"N-no." Percy's breath hitched as Oliver's hands began to move down, unbuttoning his shirt with excruciating slowness.

"Really?" Oliver undid the last button.

"Uh-huh," Percy peeped. Oliver's hands were slowly rubbing up and down his chest.

"Are you sure?" The hands were now buried in Percy's shirt, easing it off him.

"I'm sure," Percy gulped. The onslaught of Oliver's hands left Percy's body burning and aching at the same time.

"Positive?" Oliver began to trace hypnotic circles around Percy's nipples.

"Yes...I…" Percy gasped. 

"So…this doesn't turn you on?" Oliver asked with forced casualness, as he bent his mouth to Percy's nipple and ran his tongue around it.

"No…No!" Percy said, though a fierce blush stained his cheeks.

"And this," he whispered, pulling his own t-shirt over his head, "does nothing for you?"

Percy's "no" came out as more of a groan than a coherent word. 

Oliver's hands pinned Percy down against the bed. He slowly straddled Percy and leaned over so his face was inches from the panting redhead. His warm breath made Percy's lips quiver. Oliver moved closer and closer until their lips were just barely apart, eyes locked. 

_He's going to kiss me, Percy thought._

Then Oliver moved. His lips, instead of meeting Percy's mouth, turned to press gentle, teasing kisses along Percy's jaw and down his neck.  The former Head Boy gritted his teeth in frustration and need. As Oliver moved lower Percy stopped himself from running his hands through the chestnut hair, though he was unable to bite back a whimper. "Oh, God…" he whispered. At this, Oliver lifted his head from Percy's chest and raised an eyebrow.

Oliver's hair was sticking up at odd angles, his cheeks and lips flushed. He looked, well…absolutely fucking gorgeous. _I want him, Percy thought. He gave his mind a mental kick in the pants for being delusional. __I want Oliver Wood. It's a simple as that._

"So you're not gay?" Percy looked at Oliver and didn't say a word for a moment.__

 "I…I…oh bugger it, I am." With that, he pulled Oliver's mouth to his own. 

**Epilogue**

Percy and Oliver sat at their kitchen table eating breakfast.  Well, Percy sat, Oliver was sort of slumped down in his chair waiting for his coffee to percolate. Percy hunched over the business section of the Daily Prophet frowning at the freelance article he had consented to write about the inflation of Gringotts exchange rates.  There were at least TEN misspellings! To think, calling him 'Percivelle Whisley'; he would never work for them again. As he indignantly turned to show Oliver the grievous errors a gentle tapping interrupted him. 

Oliver, still in his Quidditch pyjamas, sighed and got up from the table, stretching languidly.  Crossing to the window he opened it and let in a tawny owl laden down with numerous envelopes.   

Resting on the table, the owl carefully removed two letters from the multitude tied around its legs. After stealing a bite of Percy's toast the owl flew away, nearly upsetting Oliver's orange juice in the process.

Grabbing the black coffee fresh off the percolator and chugging it in an effort to keep his eyes open, Oliver tore his vellum envelope open. An eager smile lit his face as he read.

"What is it?" Percy asked, mildly curious.

"We have been 'cordially invited to the fifteenth-year reunion of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Class of 1997'."

"Oh no," Percy gasped, lowering the paper in horror. "Not again!"

"Oh yes!" Oliver said, shoving the letter in Percy's face.

"I am **not going!" Percy insisted. He snapped the newspaper in front of the brandished invitation.**

"Percy…." Oliver said in a voice that made Percy shiver.

"No," he managed firmly.

"Please?" Oliver begged. Percy buried his head further into the business section, saying nothing. "It'll be fun. I promise."

"Oliver you know I hate those kinds of events." He said, risking a peek over the newspaper.

Oliver slowly pushed his chair back and walked around the table. He wrapped his arms around Percy's neck and whispered huskily, "Remember how much fun we had at the last reunion we went to?"

Percy's face heated as memories from that reunion and especially the morning after filled his head. 

"Fine," he sighed, twisting around to face Oliver, "but only if you promise one thing."

"Sure. What is it?"

"Keep me away from the grasshoppers."


End file.
